Life After The Ceremonial Events!

After The Glitz and Glamour- Now What?
-by Ruth Bala Victor

   Honeymoon is over, the thank you visitations are over, wedding photos now hung on your walls, and wedding presents now unveiled. You have been married for a few months now and it feels just like yesterday when you asked and she said yes; now its time to face reality- she is a nag like other women, she can be lazy at some point, she might also be sensitive and wants to know everything! On the other hand, she is having to face the reality that all men including her 'night in shining amour' snore, you forgot to bring breakfast in bed for her, you forgot to flush after using the toilet. Suddenly, family bombarding you with questions on getting pregnant-then comes pregnancy scares. What about a baby on the way?- Financial investment sets In-and emotional stress- whose family do we spend Christmas with?

   The few years in your marriage are the best time to learn how to settle problems and handle disappointments in your marriage. It helps you adjust to this seemingly crazy new phase of your lives. The need to adjust during this time cannot be overemphasized; it helps in the later time in your marriage. When you start right, you do not have to bother about the later time in your marriage. To help adjust to this new phase of your lives, here are some tips to guide you in your journey.

   What is the financial budget? What are your long-term goals? Any plans for kids? This is one problem you do not want to have to bother about. Whether or not we like it, money is a big issue in marriages. It is either groceries, baby food, wife's cosmetics or even extended families' needs. To save yourselves from financial stress and the arguments it would cause you and your spouse, you would have to draw out a monthly budget depending on your level of income, and try not to exceed the budget you have drawn out.

   For the first few years of your marriage, you might want to have a mentoring couple- couples you look up to and aspire to be like. These couple should have had at least 10 years of marriage experience. We begin to act like the people we hang out therefore, hanging out with them more often can help build your marriage. These couple should be able to give you advice on marriage and put you on the tight path.

   Aside creating time to spend with your spouse, you and your partner should pick out a day of the week and a specific time that you both u have mapped out simply to hang out together. It could be a recreational activity; just something that you don't do on a regular basis- it could be movies, romantic dinner, grocery shopping, and the like. Something that gets you hyped. This is to kick away boredom because boredom is one way to problems in your marriage. This activity is to keep you both committed to something and to make you anticipate the next time you spend together.

   Friends, work and in-laws are three things that can pose as hindrances to a happy marriage. Yes you can't throw away your friends because you are now married, yes you can't neglect your work because it earns you a living, yes you can't ignore family because they were your first loves; but neither do you want to lose your marriage. They might all love you but let's face it some of them just want to be controlling. Not all of them would work toward building your marriage as much as you will. You need to prioritize. Spouse's happiness first then everything comes second.

   The need to communicate in your marriage is of utmost importance. You have to communicate. Don't assume all you need to know. Ask questions. Some of us only talk when we are being asked. Which is your partner? Does he or she like talking about everything without being asked? Or do they talk only when asked? Whether or not they talk when asked or not, ask! If I always talk without being asked, it is tiring. You obviously do not care as such so therein, I would rather keep my thoughts and problems to myself- once young couples start filtering words and keeping thoughts to themselves, trouble sets in. Learn to communicate even in your deepest silence- some couples communicate so well that they do not have to talk but the other understands what he or she is saying.

   One thing all faiths preach is putting God first. How spiritual are you? if not so spiritual, can your marriage be a reason for you to get closer to God? You should consider it. Whether or not we acknowledge it, God supersites everything. For a happy marriage, put God at the center of your relationship with watch how everything falls into order. Committing even the little things to God is the magic way out. If you ask most married people what the secret of their marriage is, the answer is usually a host of other things and God. Involving God from the first step of your marriage is am assurance that even at your lowest moments and the times you feel like giving up, a saving grace is coming your way.

   Financial freedom, mentoring couples, time together, prioritizing, communicating and involving God in your marriage, are some of the major 'keys' to a successful marriage. Every other key is second to them all.